Whose Fault Is It?

Whose Fault Is It?
(One: A Marriage Devotional by Jimmy Evans)

Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time. (1 Peter 5:6)

Adam and Eve were the first married couple. They were created in a place called Eden, which means “pleasure and delight.” God intended for them to live in an environment of peace, abundance, and love.

So, how did things change from paradise to the pain and failure we see today? To understand the answer we must first realize that when Adam and Eve sinned, they caused the fall of mankind. Even though that is true, it isn't the complete reason for the problems we see today. The fuller reason is blame transfer.

You see, when God confronted Adam and Eve about their sin, they refused to accept responsibility for it. You can read the account yourself in the third chapter of Genesis. The short version is this: Adam blamed Eve for his sin and Eve blamed the devil. They were both unwilling to admit their faults and take responsibility for their actions.

Even though Adam and Eve’s failure was thousands of years ago, their sin lives on today in the lives of many couples. I have counseled a great number of husbands and wives who just would not take responsibility for their own problems. In most cases, they were convinced that if their spouses would change, all of their problems would be solved. Of course, their spouses had the opposite opinion.

So how do you break this dangerous cycle of blame transfer?

Here are three simple steps:

1. Stop focusing on your spouse’s problems. You can’t change him or her, but you can change yourself; once you change, the marriage changes.

2. Don’t make it about your spouse; make it about God. Be willing to deal honestly with God about your own issues, and you will experience a new level of grace, peace, and power in your life.

3. Be humble. James chapter four tells us that God resists proud people, but gives grace to humble people. Humility is attractive and contagious. Pride is repulsive, but unfortunately it is also contagious.

To have a functional and successful marriage and family, we must be willing to be honest and humble people who take responsibility for our own issues. Rather than living as victims of other people’s mistakes, we can live as victors if we will take responsibility for our own problems and trust God to deal with the faults of our spouse and others.